Mulder's Nightmare
by Lone Gunfreak
Summary: Mulder's trapped in a fanfic again!


Title : Mulder's Nightmare  
Author : Lone Gunfreak  
E-mail : lord_manhammer_666@yahoo.com  
Category : Humor  
Disclaimer : I don't own the X-Files. If I did, Langly would have had a   
dozen nude scenes already.  
Summary : Mulder's suffering in a fanfic again...  
Author's Note : 1) If you want to see the pic of Mulder as Frank N.   
Furter from my story The " Requiem " Horror Picture Show,   
go to www.maxpages.com/nerdsanonymous/gallery_of_oddness  
2) Ahh, to self-insert. Perchance to think of something   
more creative...  
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Mulder : Oh, crap! Not again! I hate being in fanfics. Yet another   
pathetic geek fufilling their loser fantasies.   
Lone Gunfreak : Oooh. Them's fightin' words, Fox.   
Mulder : Oh, God. Which one of you is it now?   
Lone Gunfreak : Lone Gunfreak.   
Mulder : The one who put me in drag?   
Lone Gunfreak : You're just lucky I didn't post the picture I made of   
that. Her skeptical-ness wouldn't look at you ever   
again.   
Mulder : Don't talk about Dana that way!   
Lone Gunfreak : Oooh, someone's feeling possesive. Ya know, Fox, you're   
not even my favorite. The Gunmen are.   
Mulder : Like I care what some fat nerd chick thinks.   
Lone Gunfreak : You, sir, have just made this personal. Frohike?  
Frohike : Yeah?  
Lone Gunfreak : You want Scully?  
Frohike : Hell, yeah!  
Lone Gunfreak : Scully?  
Scully : Yes?  
Lone Gunfreak [ does the Jedi mind-whammy ] : You like   
Frohike. He's hot.  
Scully : I...like...Frohike. He...is...hot.   
Frohike : Thanks, Gunfreak!  
Lone Gunfreak : You're welcome, Fro.  
Mulder : That was low, Gunfreak.  
Lone Gunfreak : Yeah, it was, wasn't it? I surprise even myself   
sometimes.  
Mulder : It wasn't a compliment!  
Lone Gunfreak : I'm bored.   
Mulder is suddenly in a poofy wedding gown.  
Mulder : WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!!!  
Lone Gunfreak : Aw, Fox, you make suuuch a pretty bride. Let's see - who   
should be the groom?  
Mulder : I feel like a Ken doll being played with by a perverted,   
sadistic child!  
Lone Gunfreak : Heh, heh. Yeah. You kinda are, Fox.  
Mulder : Will you stop calling me Fox?  
Lone Gunfreak : Um...no. Now, back to the matter of who you should wed.   
Any preferences?  
Mulder : Scully.  
Lone Gunfreak : Ooh, sorry. She and Frohike are together now. I couldn't   
break them up.  
Mulder : NooOOooOOooOO!   
Lone Gunfreak : Quit stealing Obi-Wan's lines...hmm, I like Krycek and   
the Gunmen too much to have them marry you. How about   
Skinner?  
Skinner : FBI protocol forbids the marriage of an agent and his direct   
superior.  
Lone Gunfreak : Odinarilary, I wouldn't give a rat's butt ( unless it's   
Krycek's. He has a very nice butt ), but I just had a   
better idea. Yo, CSM?  
CSM : What?   
Lone Gunfreak : 2 things - 1) Put out the cigarette, this is a non-  
smoking fic and 2) You're marrying Fox.  
CSM : That's incest, he's my son.  
Mulder : Really?  
CSM : Quiet, you.  
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. What about Spender?  
Mulder : Nope. If he's my father [ points to CSM ] then that makes   
Spender my brother and that would be incest. And necrophilia,   
since he's dead. And you already put a PG-13 rating on this.  
Lone Gunfreak : Dang. I need thinking music. [ plays " The Time Warp " ]  
Mulder : Stop it! This is bringing back painfull memories of that Rocky  
Horror fic you wrote!  
Lone Gunfreak : Heh, heh...would " The Lumberjack Song " bug you, o   
whiny one?  
Mulder : No, it - Oh I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok/I sleep all night and I   
work all day/...  
Lone Gunfreak : Did I forget to mention you'd be singing it? Mwahahaha!  
Mulder : I cut down trees/I skip and jump/I like to press wild flowers/I  
put on women's clothing/And hang around in bars!  
Lone Gunfreak : I am God!...well, actually, Bill Gates is. I just feel   
rather God-like right now. Mmmmmmmm, total control over   
others! Hey, let's add a bit Of " Star Trek " to this   
mess...  
The Starship " Enterprise " crash lands next to the X-Files characters.  
Kirk : Do you have to always do that to my ship?  
Lone Gunfreak zots him with Sith-lightning.  
Kirk : Aaarrrggghhh!  
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. Let's play " Who Wants to Marry Mulder? "  
Lone Gunfreak shoots Regis Philbin with her laser capable of emiting a   
beam of pure anti-matter as he tries to sue her for copy-right   
infringement.  
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. Jar-Jar Binks! Congradulations, you've just won! You   
get to marry Mulder!  
Cross-over police : Ok, Gunfreak, you're abusing your right to cross-over.   
One more, and your cross-over licence will be revoked.  
Lone Gunfreak : But I didn't even get to put Rocky Horror characters in it   
yet!  
Cross-over police : Too bad. [ Cross-over police leave ]  
Lone Gunfreak : I will be a rebel. Ok - starship battle!  
A battle of historic magnitude occurs between the Millenium Falcon   
( Star Wars ), Frank's castle-ship ( Rocky Horror ), the Heart of Gold   
( The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy ), the Mighty Morphin' alien's   
ship ( X-Files ) and the Starship Enterprise ( Star Trek ). Mulder leaves   
while the Lone Gunfreak is otherwise entertained.   
Lone Gunfreak : Oh, well. I'll torment him later [ sits back and enjoys a   
good, old-fashioned space battle ]. It's good to be the geek!  
  
The End  
  
( I don't really hate Mulder this much. It's just fun to torture him like   
this. Mwahahahahahaha! ) 


End file.
